Call Out to Your Brother (He's Callin' Out Your Name)
by Jenndude5
Summary: Twelve months in the lives of Steve and Bucky.


**A/N:** **Requested by Firestar'sniece, who was the only one to guess where I got the title from 'Castle's May Stand'. (You still get something, if you want it.) Sequel to 'Castle's May Stand' but can be read as stand-alone. (Probably?)**

 **January**

After James had allowed himself to be found (and a _really_ long hug) Steve decided to bring him back to his apartment.

Steve does most of the talking, so incredibly happy, and with a smile so contagious even Bucky found himself returning it, however small. He hasn't smiled since-

-he doesn't remember.

Oh, right, Steve was talking.

"-They're great, Buck, really they are, and I think you'll like them," He says, jogging up the stairs toward the apartment. Bucky isn't sure what he thinks, other then he isn't ready to meet anyone.

"Steve, I-" he stops. He _really_ doesn't want to see anyone, but they're Steve's friends. Steve likes them. Steve wants him to meet them, and it's not that he _doesn't_ want to meet them, but right now would be a _really bad time_ -

"I know you're not ready," Steve looks over at him. His smile seems a little sadder now. "I just think that one day, when you are, you should meet them."

Bucky swallows and nods jerkily, "Yeah, okay." Steve's face lights up, "But not now."

"Of course not," they finally stop in front of a door and Steve rummages through his pockets for his keys, "Anyway, this is it." He opens the door, shifting nervously as Bucky walks in.

It's… actually a really nice place. Compared to the apartment he remembers it's pretty high class. The furniture, while obviously older, was well taken care of, and while it was clear Steve hasn't spent much time here it seemed lived in; sketch books littered the coffee table, a blanket was thrown haphazardly across the back of the couch, and Steve's shield was leaning against the wall next the door.

Bucky decided to put the captain out of his misery, "Swanky place you got here," Steve visibly relaxed, "It's not much, I know, but it could be worse, right?" he says, then continues walking farther into the room, "Anyway, through there is the kitchen," he motioned toward the right of the front door where a half-wall separated the kitchen and the living room, "and down that way is the bedrooms and one bathroom," he gestured to a hall way on the left, "My room is right across from yours, so if you, uh, ever need me, just-"

"I get it Steve." Bucky interrupted, exasperated.

"Right, okay…" He started getting twitchy again as the silence became uncomfortable, "Uhh, now what?"

Bucky shrugged.

It's not gonna be this awkward every day, is it?

 **February**

"Steve! Steve _I am so sorry!_ Oh, god, I'm so sorry…"

"Bucky, it's okay, calm down, _I'm fine_." Steve stressed from the ground, even as he rubbed the knot on the back of his head with wince.

"I threw you _into a wall,_ Steve!" James shouted from across the room, having retreated when he realized what he had done, wanting to make as much space between him and Steve as possible.

"It's not your fault, you didn't-" Steve closed his eyes, "You didn't recognize me." He finished with a sigh.

"That's not what- well it is- but not like-" James growled in frustration, smacking his head back against the wall.

Steve opened his eyes and looked at James wearily, "Bucky?" He asked, then crawled a little closer.

James clinched his eyes shut, "I just-" he sighed, "I keep expecting you to be…" He made a motion with his hands "smaller." His eyes snapped open when he heard a snort right next to him. Glancing over he saw Steve was leaning against the wall right next to him.

"Yeah, well," Steve smiled at him, a little sad and a little bitter, "I joined the army."

" _Is it permanent?"_

" _So far."_

Bucky blinked.

It was quiet for a minute, both men sitting still, not quite touching, and then a thought occurred to him. He eyed Steve up and down, "… Your face doesn't peel off does it?" He asked, only half joking.

Steve's laugh was worth not getting the answer.

 **March**

They made cookies.

Well they tried to, anyway. One of Steve's friends (Clark? Clint?) had sent a recipe to Steve demanding he try it. The caption on the email had read 'Super easy, super awesome, chocolate explosion, cookie recipe!'

Steve's friend was a bold-faced, lying liar, who lies.

Except for the explosion part –that had happened. Twice.

They were standing in the middle of what was left of Steve's kitchen "Steve?" Bucky whispered, covered head to toe in flour and powdered sugar, metal hand twitching.

"Yeah, Buck?" Steve answered just as quietly, maybe a little sheepish, chocolate and caramel syrup dripping down his face.

"If I ever see your friend. I'm breaking his face."

"Okay."

 **April**

He couldn't breathe. He was trying to, really he was. Trying _so hard-_

" _You will be the new fist of Hydra,"_

-But he _couldn't_ and Steve was talking but he ( _Bucky/James/Soldier, but not. He's not any of those, oh god-_ ) couldn't comprehend what he was saying. Couldn't hear the words beyond the blurred out voices and shapes and frantic tones, then-

" _Wipe him,"_

"Bucky, It's ok-"

"Don't call me that!" He flinched at his own angry voice, already feeling guilty, because Steve didn't deserve that, and slid down the wall. He hid his face in his legs, wrapping his arms around them, not wanting to see the hurt face he knew Steve was making, "Not today, Steve. Just… not today."

He heard Steve sit down a few feet in front of him, close but not smothering. "Okay, okay," he paused, hesitant, "Then what should I call you? James?"

He was already shaking his head before Steve finished talking, taking unsteady breaths, "No. No, not that, either." Because James had never minded being called Bucky, not really, so he's not James, definitely not Bucky _or_ The Soldier-

"I don't –I don't know, Steve… I just don't know…"

 **May**

"Hey Buck?" Steve asked tentatively from his spot on one end of the couch, having been watching The Soldier for the last few minutes, biting his lip in worry, "You okay?"

The Soldier glanced his way, then returned to staring blankly at the news that was playing on the TV. The Captain was a non-threat, and therefore did not require any attention beyond minimal awareness, "Fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes, Steve."

Steve didn't look like he believed him.

That was okay. The Soldier didn't believe him, either.

" _Do not fool yourself into thinking it has feelings. A weapon does not feel."_

 **June**

"What is that?" Bucky asked blankly, staring at the white, plastic, rectangular box type thing that Steve was trying –and failing- to connect to the television.

Steve grunts, switching the colored wires _again,_ "It's a Wii."

"Is that supposed to mean somethin' to me? 'Cause it doesn't."

"It's a video game system-"

" _Steve._ "

Steve winces, "Sorry, I know you don't know what that is. Um, it allows you to play games on the TV? I'll show you as soon as I set it up, I promise." He turned back to the wires forlornly, " _If_ I ever set it up."

Two hours later Steve was getting his ass kicked at Mario Kart. Again.

"Bucky!" He yelled as he got hit with _another_ blue turtle shell. Then a red one.

"Payback for pushing me off that mountain!" He shouted back, then almost swerved off the road.

" _Bucky! Grab my hand!"_

" _Steve!"_

" _Bucky, no!"_

 _Cold… so cold…_

"That was three races ago! And you won!" Steve argued, spinning out on a banana peel.

Bucky was grateful Steve's mind hadn't gone where his had, that he hadn't noticed Bucky's brief panic.

And if he let the punk win, just this once, well… He would never admit it.

 **July**

"Happy birthday, Pal." Bucky said, dropping a wrapped box (covered in Captain America's shield) in Steve's lap.

Steve set his sketch book aside, glancing at Bucky a little wearily "When did you have time to get me a gift?" he asked picking up the box, turning it over in his hands.

"Last night while you were sleeping," He hid his grin at the look Steve gave him, "Well? You gonna open it, or what?"

Steve sighed, but re-adjusted so he was sitting cross-legged on the couch with box in his lap, and slowly started to open it. So slow, in fact, that Bucky knew he was just doing it to be a dick in the face of Bucky's enthusiasm.

He could wait. Sorta.

Bucky bounced excitedly as Steve finally lifted the lid, internally laughing as he watched Steve's face go blank.

"what's this?" Steve deadpanned, not quite keeping the smirk from twitching on his face.

"It's Bucky Bear!" Bucky enthused. Steve lifted the stuffed toy from the box, turned it over a few times.

"It's awesome, right? Tell me you love it. Best gift idea ever."

Steve snorted, but hugged Bucky Bear to his chest with a small smile, his eyes looked a little misty when he spoke, "Yeah, Buck. Best gift ever."

Bucky cleared his throat and shifted, "And don't worry about Bucky Bear ever getting lonely if you can't be there," he said, causing Steve to blink uncertainly at him, "Bucky?"

Bucky couldn't stop the giggle that escaped from his mouth. He pulled something out from behind him with a 'tah-dah!'

There was a pause.

"Bucky…"

"It's Captain Ameribear!"

James decided fireworks sucked.

After the first one sounded through the night he'd retreated to Steve's closet (it was bigger than his own, and muffled the sound better) in a panic.

Steve had followed after him, pulling James close to his side, whispering a bunch of words that James didn't really understand.

"How can you stand it?" He whispered, curling further into Steve.

 _Bullets flew through the air._

" _Man down!"_

"I don't," Steve answered, and shifted a little, holding up two stuffed animals "I brought the bears."

 **August**

"Any reason he's just staring at me like that?" Bird Man ( _Sam_ ) asked Steve as he eyed The Soldier, who eyed him right back with a blank expression from where he was leaning against the counter, arms crossed.

Steve winced, pouring coffee into two mugs, "Yeah, he, uh, does that. Sometimes. I hadn't realized it was gonna be one of those days when I invited you over to meet him." He admitted, handing Sam one of the mugs.

"Riiiight," he glanced at Steve then back at The Soldier, "Is he gonna be like that the entire time?"

Before Steve could answer The Soldier spoke up, voice flat, "Sorry about your bird costume."

Sam did an honorable job of not jumping at the unexpected voice, and turned back to The Soldier, "It's not a bird costume, it's a tactical flying suit!" He cleared his throat, "Anyway, Stark actually made me an even better version, so I guess I should be thanking you."

The Soldier blinked, "Stark?" Something about that name…

"Yeah, Buck," Steve cut in, "Tony Stark. He's Howard's son. Do you remember Howard?" He asked, sounding both hopeful and nervous.

" _Why? Where are we going?"_

" _The future."_

Blink.

 _The car levitated for only a moment, before falling back to the stage. The man gave a sheepish grin "Well, I did say a few years, didn't I?"_

Blink.

 _Steady, aim, fire._

 _A blown out tire._

" _Barnes? Is that… you…?" A metal hand over the mouth and nose. Suffocation._

"Yeah," Bucky whispered, voice shaking, "Yeah, I remember him." his hands clinched tightly around his arms.

There would be bruises later.

"Bucky?" He looked up at Steve's worried face, "What's wrong?" Steve was reaching out towards him, though he didn't touch, "Are you okay- Bucky!"

He ran.

Slamming the bedroom door, he leaned against it for barely a moment before pushing off and pacing around the room. His breath hitched in fast gasps, hands getting tangled in his hair and yanking at the ends.

"Bucky!"

That was Steve. Not now, just leave me alone, dang it! Just leave me alone…

Bucky's breath quickened along with his strides. It wasn't fair. None of this was right. What did he do? What did he-

"Buck-"

"I killed him!"

Steve stopped, "What?"

"Howard! I killed him! Fuck, Steve, I-" He couldn't breathe. He couldn't- he couldn't breathe.

He punched the wall. It crumbled.

Fuck!

He whined, pushing away from the broken wall and started moving again.

Steve grabbed his arm, "Bucky it's gonna be okay! Calm down-" He yanked his arm away quickly, "No it's not, Steve!"

"Bucky!"

"Not today, I'm not!" He shook, his hands yanking at his head, and backed up against the wall, his breathing hadn't slowed down.

"You didn't even like Howard!" Steve sounded so broken. His fault, his fault…

"He was your friend, Steve!" Oh, god… He slid down the wall to the ground. "He was your friend, and I killed him…"

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't hear what Steve trying to say. He killed Howard.

Then there was somebody beside him, talking to him, a hand on his back, and it wasn't Steve, but his voice was soothing and Bucky could barely make out some of what he was saying, something about counting? It didn't make any since but Bucky tried to listen anyway, and when he turned on his side to vomit the presences didn't leave, just kept talking.

Bucky/James/Soldier ( _not any of them, but all of them_ ) decided he liked Sam.

 **September**

"You shot me."

The redheaded she-demon shrugged, smirking at Bucky's bland tone, "I did. Though, to be fair, you did shoot me, too. Twice."

"You shot me. _In the face_." He emphasized, crossing his arms.

She rolled her eyes and mirrored his posture, "Oh, don't be such a baby, you were wearing goggles."

" _The face_."

Steve stood off to the side with a blond guy and Sam, laughing at Bucky and the she-beast (who was also laughing.)

It wasn't funny.

Before it could escalate further, Steve stepped up. "Anyway, that's Natasha, and," he waved at the blond, "this is Clint."

Bucky raised an eyebrow, "'Cookie' Clint?"

"Uh, yeah- Bucky don't-!"

Too late.

Bucky punched 'Clint' right in the face. He went down, but stayed conscious (he was Steve's friend, after all). Groaning, and holding his nose in pain, he yelled "Son of a _bitch_! What the fuck, Barnes?!"

"It took me _three days_ to get my arm clean. Bastard."

"She shot you in the face!"

"Three. Days."

Natasha laughed the hardest.

 **October**

It was a… weird day.

His head was in Steve's lap and Steve was running his hands through not-Bucky's hair and reading the same page in a book, not bothering to turn it.

He buried his face in Steve's abs. It was (un)surprisingly comforting. Sighing, he burrowed further in.

He was just… tired. He didn't really feel like anybody today. Didn't feel like doing anything, either. Steve seemed to understand that, at least, content to simply sit with not-Bucky.

"You need a haircut." Steve murmured, barely breaking the silence, running his fingers to the tips of not-Bucky's considerably longer than normal hair.

Not-Bucky hummed, thinking it over, then shook his head. "Nah… I like it like this…"

"Okay…"

They stayed like that for another five hours.

He was just so tired.

A really weird day.

 **November**

James was going to have a nervous breakdown. It was going to happen, and it was going to be Steve's fault.

"Okay Buck, this is Bruce," Steve started nervously, motioning to a gentle looking man with a bland, yet kind, smile, that for some reason made The Soldier in James scream 'danger'.

He wasn't what was causing the breakdown.

"And that's Tony-"

"I killed Howard." James blurted out, but before he could retreat, Stark was waving him off.

"Yeah, I know, saw your file, no hard feelings, I'll get drunk later, let me see your arm!" He barely (if at all) breathed between words, making grabby hands at James' left arm.

His brain shorted out.

"What?"

"You killed my parents, I know, don't care. Well I care, obviously, but I don't hold it against you. Anymore. Whatever, arm now! Uhh, please?"

Bruce was face-palming. "Tony." He sighed.

"What?" James' asked again.

"I said please!" Tony defended, completely ignoring the question, going off into an argument with Bruce about personal space and boundaries and breathing while you talk.

Steve placed his hand on James' shoulder. "Yeah, he's always like that," he gave James hard look, "And you don't have to let him mess with your arm if it makes you uncomfortable just because you feel guilty, okay?"

"I-"

"Bucky."

"Okay."

 **December**

"Thor is exhausting." Bucky complained, falling face first the couch when him and Steve finally got back from Stark's Christmas party.

"I know," Steve groaned, pushing Bucky's legs off the couch so he could flop down in the space they'd been occupying.

"I'm never going to another one of Starks parties ever again." He said into the couch, curling into a ball.

"You'll say that every time," Steve closed his eyes, "but every time after that he'll look at you with those big brown eyes and fast talk his way into getting to come to 'just this one' while you're distracted. and by the time you realize what he's done, it's too late. You trapped."

Bucky lifted his head and looked at Steve, "You have a crush on Stark, don't you?"

Steve pushed his face back into the couch, "No!" Bucky was laughing so hard he was crying, "I was joking! Oh god, you're blushing!"

"Shut up!"

"That's why Barton was making those faces when you were talking to Stark!"

"Bucky!"

Bucky's laughter slowly subsided with Steve's blush, dwindling down to a chuckle. He sat up and resituated himself so he was lying in Steve's lap.

"No, but really Steve. You like him?"

"Shut up." The blush was back.

"Fine," Bucky chuckled, rolling over to bury his face in Steve. He felt… content, happy.

He sighed, "Thanks, Stevie."

"For what?" Steve asked mildly, running his fingers through Bucky's hair.

"Just. Thanks…"

Then there was comfortable silence…

"You know, I wouldn't blame you if you _did_ have a crush on Tony."

" _Shut up,_ Bucky."

 **A/N: So... that happened. (Writers block on my plans :'()**

 **RL (can be skipped): So there I was, all happy, reading fan fiction, then WHAM, they mention JARVIS. In past tense. ALL OF YOU AGE OF ULTRON COMPLIANT PEOPLE NEED TO PUT A WARNING UP! Oh, the feels! *Sniff***

 **Speaking of feels, I got a massive case of Bucky feels right now. (Sorry Tony, he's my favorite now. You're stuck in second and Clint is bumped to a close third.) I needed to get a feel for him for this, so I read 'This, You Protect' (by owlet) on AO3 and... I fell in love...**

 **On a completely different note, if you haven't seen the Fantastic Four, and are planning on seeing it, here's me telling you 'don't bother'. It was bad. I don't know what they were thinking. They may have been high during the making of that movie.**


End file.
